Friday 27 May 2011

i don't claim to be perfect, i know i'm damaged goods..

i dont know how it happened, i honestly dont, its madness but i shall start from the begining
i met the spaceman 2 weeks ago and we instantly became great friends, laughing and joking, a week later i find out he likes me, like really likes me! and i know i should be thrilled but an alarm bell rings in my head
see, not to go into too much detail, years ago i was told by a doctor that my mental heath was like a ticking time bomb and chances are one day, i will go crazy.
This revelation has played on my mind from that day to this, how can i drag someone else into this?
The spaceman and i lay on the sofa bed, and i find myself admitting this fear to him, just like it was nothing, inside i braced myself for the "Oh is that the time, im gonna go...." speech i'd heard before, but he didn't, he looked me in the eye and said "i like you, if it happens, i ain't gonna run".....
"what did you expect him to say!" the greek said to me bemused by my reaction
"i dont know" i lamented, "i guess im used to guys being jerks!"
"i still cant believe you told him!" she sighed "the doctor said it was a 50/50 thing!"
"********!" i said defensively "imagine you were sold a second hand car, wouldnt you wanna know if the steering wheel stuck!"
"yes matt, but your not a car!" she rolled her eyes "so, how did the rest of the evening go"
after i had made my revelation the spaceman totally of his own free will opened up about recent events, his dad had died tragically, and he hadnt allowed himself time to grieve, but he admitted being with me was the first thing to make him happy, truly happy, for months.
"dude, marry him now! if you dont i will!" the greek beamed
"hun, we are taking it slow" i smiled, genuinely, for the first time in a long time, my eyes crinkling, "but lets just say, hes deffinatley a keeper!"

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