so alone......

greg and fiona had been together for 7 months, but only been in love the first two

"only in love for two months! why did they stay together?" i asked exsasperated

"the same reason all couples stay together after the love has gone" the greek sighed "they are scared to be alone"

"pfft" i scoffed "they are just 18!"

"fear of being alone is universal" the greek retorted

pausing i realised she was right, from a very young age most of us are raised with the idea that company= good, solitude = bad (lets face it, in war movies, prisoners weren't sent to social confinement!)

to me theres two types of alone, neither are nice but both sprung to mind recently

the first and saddest imo is forced solitude, this means you had your soul mate, you lived with them for years, then due to the tragedy of death they were taken away, this to me is sadder because you knew company, and the joys of such and suddenly you must adjust to life alone

my nan was brilliant at that, she now thrives alone, though occassionally we do get the old lady wobble "im 85, i could be dead any day now, and you'll all miss me!" (to which we respond, "nan your fit as a horse, your mother lived to see her hundredth, you have time!")

the other is solitude by choice, either you chose not to pair up, or you chose to take a break from the pairing pool, to work on yourself before jumping back in. this one, though not as finite as the first, has its own fears attached, what if you wait too long? what if the adjustments dont work? what if that cute guy at the coffee shop meets someone while you're at night school learning to speak french!? sacre bleu!

my personal fear of being alone stems back to the stories you read in the papers, about people dying alone, the elderly left undiscovered for days/weeks/months/years until a neighbour notices a funny smell etc

there are times i worry that person will be me, that i will be found, skeletal, surrounded by rather happy fat cats

"thats ridiculous!" the greek scoffs "one, you hate cats and two, you and i both know we will be in the old folks home together singing ice cream truck, pinching the male nurses bums!"

fear of loneliness, it keeps us in relationships that should have ended months ago, keeps us with people who put us down/hurt us, the one thing i urge you all out there to ask is, "is better than being alone?" if yes, then enjoy the relationship, if not then GET OUT NOW!